EARTH DEFENSE ALIEN DESTRUCTION CORPS: CYBEROP DIVISION

>>>> BEGIN ECRYPTED MESSAGE -- EXPOSITORY EYES ONLY From: [email protected] To: [email protected] Hello. You are Master Sergeant Taylor Jenkins of the EARTH DEFENSE ALIEN DESTRUCTION CORPS: CYBEROP DIVISION, the extraterrestrial branch of the government of the Canadian Earth Empire. You have dedicated your career to hacking smart toasters. On June 31st, 2024, EDADCCD detected a spacetime anomaly near pluto. All citizens of the empire prepared to meet extraterrestrial life for the first time. However, the visitors did not come in peace - they came with an army of drones, fighters and dreadnoughts to eliminate humanity and loot our impressive maple syrup reserves. That was three years ago. The colonies of Titan, Mars, and Luna have all fallen. Earth is the last standing human settlement. No weapons worked against the ships except for the rapidly dwindling arsenal of nuclear devices. However, a captured drone's computer architecture showed a remarkable resemblance to modern smart toasters. This is where you come in. You have become humanity's only bastion against the existential threat. Armed only with several thousand nuclear weapons and extensive smart toaster knowledge, you must save humanity and cement our place amongst the stars. From your local computer, coordinate the transmission of viruses to hack the drones, and the launching of nuclear weapons to destroy the dreadnoughts. Good luck, Master Sergeant. >>>> FINISH ECRYPTED MESSAGE -- EXPOSITORY EYES ONLY